How thin is too thin??

An overdue post.....

Well,a quote I got off newspaper yesterday said by model Lily Cole.It did hit me in the head.Suddenly my self-confidence plummeted like a meteorite heading towards land.Yeap...I lost weight but I don't diet.DIET is NOT in my list.So,I chat with my bf about it.I'm too skinny!!!Hmm...I guess..but that was not what he thought.

He replied :
1. baby not skinny
2. hubby still loves u
3. don’t eat fatty things
4. no chocs
5. less ice-creams
6. less chillies

That sms didn’t stop me from thinking either…It reminded me of a junior I met the other day and guess what he told me??

Jr. : Hey Jenn, long time no see. You lost weight didn’t you? I think you looked much better last time…atleast you were wayyyyy curvier and had that hot body.

Me : Erm….(sweats trinkling down)…erm…hahha…Did I? I guess too much of gym.

Owh gawd!!!How could I have said that??That would make me sound like I’m any typical girl trying to be long and lean.THAT’S SOOOOO NOT ME!!!Well,what else could I have said??”Erm…I’m on DIET??”…That’s even worse!!!

Last time,I always think I’m fat or imperfect or “I HATE MY BODY!!”…Well,almost everytime I looked in the mirror.Which girls don’t??Most girls think that way of themselves sometimes too.Don’t you??Take a minute and think of this…When you look in the mirror at that image staring back at you…What were you thinking??This was what I thought of myself back then…

“OWH MY GAWD!!!I LOOK FAT!!!NO…WAIT A MINUTE…IS THAT FLABBY ARMS ISN’T IT??HMM….OR IS IT THAT TUMMY???OWH NO!!!WAIT!!!SUCH BIG THIGHS I HAVE…ON SECOND THOUGHT….I THINK MY ASS IS HUGE…NOOOOOOOO!!!!(the longest NO screaming out from my mouth)…WHO WANTS ASS LIKE J.LO???!!!I’M NOT GOING TO EAT FOR A WEEK!!!!”

I didn’t feel good about myself back then.I don’t hate myself and never will but sometimes it does lower your self-confidence…Don’t you think so girls??Hahhhahha…..that was the OLD ME….I finally realized that I was such a fool to ever think that of myself when some of my friends mentioned I have a nice body and am just right.

After being overseas for a year and was exposed to health and fitness plus all the tips from celebrities’ fitness instructors,I started following ‘em.SIX hours of SIX days a week gym I did…intensive don’t you think??But I enjoyed it!!I even created my own diet plan…I did try all the diets available for e.g The Zone Diet,Atkins Diet,South Beach Diet,G.I Diet and Liquid Diet….One word to describe it…SUCKS!!!I didn’t LIKED it at all.Try this….

1. Boil a bunch of broccolis and cucumber.
2. After they’re cooked,grind them with avocado. Pour the grinded vegetables into the pot and add salt and pepper to taste. Bon apetit!!

I think put in either smoked salmon or smoked bacon…It’ll taste nicer.It’s DEFINITELY healthy but I HATED it!!!Those were the days where I spend most of my time working out in gym and eating healthy…I stopped taking coffee and meat…purely vegetables and fish….and I LOVE SALMON!!

Now I’m back here…I stopped gym for almost 4 months and I’m starting to feel bad about myself…When I look in the mirror at myself…no more “I NEED TO BE SKINNY!!” instead…

“I THINK I’M LOSING MY ASS…WHY IS MY JEANS AND PANTS SO MUCH LOOSER NOW???MY ARMS….OH GAWD!!!I CAN’T SEE THE ‘CUT’ NO MORE…MY THIGHS = FATS!!!I NEED GYM URGENTLY!!!!”

WHAT???!!!Gym when you’re losing weight??Doesn’t make much sense right peeps???This is what I found out…I actually put on weight when I go gym…that’s the purpose I go for gym…to tone my body and OF COURSE….maintaining my ASSETS and CURVES!!!BUT…..a very BIG BUT…..my passion and willpower = nil…How I wish I’m like my friend J who has high passion and determination to do his daily exercises everyday and eating healthy…You have my highest respect!!!!LOLX….I think I need some brainwash here…I could use your help(if you’re reading this =) )…

Different friends different thinking…A girlfriend of mine thinks she’s too thin and is eating to put on weight…HEALTHY!!! That’s HOT!!!Another girlfriend of mine eats a meal per day…or…DOES NOT eats at all…All because she thinks she’s FAT???That’s ridiculous don’t you think??? Well,that’s how most of my Thai friends act…

ME???Well,you would regret if you say you want to give me a treat.Here’s a tip…Prepare as much money as you can…hahhahha…I’m a gargoyle!!!!I consume a lot…I don’t watch what I eat anymore because no matter how much I eat…I don’t put on weight…Definitely not excessive consumption of course…Dining out with baby Marn…Hmm…

Jenn : I’m hungry baby…I could eat the whole shop!!(Stomach growling = U2’s concert in my tummy)

Marn : Okie…What baby want???

mArNjEnN : bla…bla…bla…snapshots of mArNjEnN shock sendiri…laughing…joking…gossippin…

Marn : No chilly!!!!

Jenn : I CAN’T EAT WITHOUT CHILLY!!!PLEASE BABY!!!

Marn : Alright…half of that…Don’t take too much…Heaty and you’ll complain about pimples on your face…

Jenn : (Giggling)

AFTER MEAL…

Jenn : Baby…erm…erm…Can I call another bowl???A large one???We can share???

Marn : Don’t eat too much…Wait you put on weight…there’s no turning back…(terpaksa-lar i reluctantly agreed) ;(

Jenn’s feelings after meal = Maximum satisfaction + Full tummy

Hahhahha….yumyum…

Well,I’m currently into Japanese cuisine…I think it’s delicious and I LOVE IT!!!!Hmm….Can’t wait till sem break and I can start experimenting Japanese food…in other words…I want to try preparing it…

OWH GAWD!!!I’M CRAVING FOR JAPANESE FOOD NOW!!!!

Am feeling super-hungry now…have to get myself something to indulge in…char kuay-teow???wantan mee???Hmm….

FOOD = SATISFACTION GUARANTEED